Monday, September 28, 2009

Sometimes I Just Lose Sight...

Today I am having a hard time remembering why I wanted to go back to school. Sugar Mama has been back in school since we've been back from vacation, in face she and I went back at the same time. The difference is that now we go on the same days, where as last year we went on different days . . . Now I just can't keep up. She takes her lunch to school so I have to remember to make a complete lunch, and a snack, and to bring her bag, with all important papers enclosed. So right now you are thinking "Right, right all the stuff I do too."

Then on Thursdays It's show and tell and I have to remember to remind Sugar Mama to bring something with her, and then in the afternoon it's cheer leading practice. Games on Saturdays, Church on Sundays, and in a different nursery class every Sunday.
Thinking right now . . . "Yeah me too"

Well right now I am also in anatomy lab and lecture and a psychology class. I take anatomy on Mondays and Wednesdays and Psychology online. I have to check my website for assignments, read a chapter everyday for lecture, print out and complete about 30 pages of lab materials, essays, online discussions . . . the list goes on and on.

Today I had a lab practical were we had 26 sections with 2 questions at each section. We had 2 minutes at each section . . . By the end, I was over it, and still had to go pick up the Nugget and Sugar Mama from Mama J's house where she and the Twin were nice enough to keep them while the Hubs slept (he worked last night and didn't get to bed until late this afternoon).

Besides feeling like I can't keep up with all that school and my family requires, I struggle with the guilt of feeling like I don't do enough with my kids . . . I like to try and work with Sugar Mama on her handwriting or sight words recognition, whatever, but the best time is when the Nugget is asleep and this is the best time for me to study. My grades are not reflective of what I think I should be making . . . but they are reflective of the work I have put in, and it's not satisfying.
I'm trying to tell myself that at the end of the day it IS worth it that life will be better once I finish and can have a career . . . and then I think "How will I ever get through the nursing program since I have the nugget?" Worries, Worries, Worries.

Today I am Thankful for:

Breaks: Sometimes it can be so stressful studying for a test, but the feeling of walking through the door and knowing that the next few hours are just mine . . .

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