Friday, March 26, 2010

By Design...

Some things in life are not meant to be gotten over, merely gotten through. This can apply to really any situation in your life... a relationship that didn't end or begin the way you wanted, the death of a loved one, really AnYtHiNg in life that never leaves you, maybe just waits on the out skirts of your thoughts.

Tears of humiliation streamed down her cheeks. Those tears marking the place where he whispered his love. Love was never intended to be a relative term, at least not for her. But they had just been caught in a compromising position, and humiliation could barely describe what she felt. She picked herself, and what little dignity she had left, and walked out the door. No conversation or confession of love left his lips; only the blank stare of surprise.

How much more could she be embarrassed? They had not done "it", only gone farther than she wanted, perhaps even further than that had they not been caught. But now the parents were talking about it, with each other, and other parents... and they weren't allowed to speak. Where was his love when she needed it most? Two people involved in the same action, and yet it was all "her" fault, and he remained silent; giving life to those accusations. He was not who she thought him to be. He gave it life, and then let it go, and never looked back.

When I started this blog, I made a personal vow to be as honest as possible. What good does my salvation do if I profess here, in this space, to be perfect?

So today I share something with you that I have shared very little.

The above passage, described a situation that happened to me. When I was young (in high school) I faced the very same situation. Above I was honest, we did not have sex, but were caught "making out". This was the first time anything like that had ever happened, and humiliation is not an adequate description. He did whisper words of love, claiming that he had never felt that way about another person... and then gave life to the accusations that this was all my fault, that I had some how corrupted his morals in the process.

I was married to my husband before we ever talked about it. And really he knows only the basics of the story because the humiliation and rejection was something I never got over, and found difficult to share, even to the person who owned those true parts of my heart. Recently I saw a story similar to mine and felt envious of the heroine because she had gotten her say.. I never got mine. We spoke only once after that, right before I was to leave for college. He asked if I hated him, leading me to believe that he did understand how he had left the pieces for me to put back together. After talking with him though, I soon realized he didn't and couldn't bring myself to talk to him anymore. I was to resentful.

At this point you are probably asking yourself why I am sharing this story, and before you de-follow me, let me explain: I recently took some training and was introduced to the topic of sexual integrity. Teaching young girls why God intends for them to remain pure until marriage. Why? Because they are princesses to the most high prince, and purity is a gift. To you, your king, and to the man who gives you true love. I know of one young girl who reads this blog and I know her heart.. if there were ever a girl I know who will remain true it's her.. but she's more amazing than most, and has a foundation that a lot do not have. Should you randomly come across this blog, please believe.. and if you are that girl and need some reminding :)

You are worth it.. God loves you exactly how you are, and will never ask you to give a piece of yourself to him.. in fact he gives YOU all of HIM...

Anyone who tells you that they love you, but wants that piece of you in return does not love you. People who truly love you do so without taking anything from you. And should you give everything you have to one person.. what will you give when the time really comes to give yourself to the person who will love you for the rest of your life?

Today I am Thankful for:

Having my say: I never said exactly what I wanted to his face, but by putting it here I finally shared how I felt. That is very liberating.

And believe it or not for his actions: It taught me a huge lessons, and was a stepping stone in leading me right to the man who owns my heart, treats it with respect and kindness, and has given me more than that silly little boy every could have :)

Love to you all.

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