Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Why So Anxious?...

I am so irritated and restless today. The only source I can blame are the unpredictable hormones that are increasing daily. I feel the need to be doing something while simultaneously attempting to enjoy the quiet... for in a matter of weeks we will not have an acquaintance with quiet for such a long time.

Sugar Mama, in a matter of days, will start kindergarten. Perhaps this is the source. Perhaps it is the need to prepare for a baby whose sex is still a mystery. Maybe it is the fact that my husband works at night while I should be resting comfortably beside him, and sleeps during the day when most people do without their spouses anyways..

I have vivid and reoccurring dreams... that my grandmother has come back.. in fact those are the words I use "You've come back"... I see her face, we talk, and she always lacks understanding of my shock in seeing her face. I acknowledge her and then she has to die again in the dream... it is so draining and heartbreaking to wake and realize she had never come back in the first place.. she's always been gone.

Coupled with a dream of having to take a final for a class that I have never attended. A professor continues to talk to me about assignments and my where abouts and for the life of me I cannot figure out how it is their business...

It's all very restless and irritating, huh?

Today I am Thankful for:

The ability to see her face: it's so rewarding to remember, because in the everyday I cannot, but if it could be understood that it's a dream, that would be most helpful :)

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