Monday, August 30, 2010

Who Is Doing the Learning?

This, is my Sugar Mama. She is my first born, my sweetest girl, by all accounts my easiest child out of the 2 and 1/4. She started sleeping through the night at 6 weeks, was completely potty trained before her 2nd birthday, went to pre-school like a champ, etc. She has always been super sweet and compliant.

So imagine my surprise when I sent her to school and all of a sudden started getting end of the week reports that says she's been talking, and not following directions the first time they are given. I was a little confused at first b/c she's never "pulled a card" or gotten a note sent home just a big ol' green circle around the P column in the progress report instead of the S. The 2nd time this happened.. after she'd gotten all S's the week before, I was so upset that I had to excuse myself because I was in tears.

Confession: This is the part of the post that I admit, shamefully, that I may be projecting my own issues on to her. I may have been expecting complete compliance, etc. I am a perfectionist and expect the same in my children...Essentially I am at a loss as to how to handle this situation b/c I've got it all wrong.

Any who... so I had my "I'm a bad parent and that's why she's not adjusting" moment and had a talk with her, in fact I reiterate the point every morning before I drop her off. Only to get another week of 2 P's. So I sent off a note to her teacher to get a better understanding of what was going on.

Confession 2: This is the second part of my post that I confess that this teacher and I don't exactly "click" I cannot put my finger on it, except to say that I've never gotten a good read from her. In her defense I'll say that I'm sort of mean in this pregnancy and have a tendency to be irritated quicker, and more verbal with said irritation.

I digress.. The note back was super nice.. "She's doing very well, she's adjusting well, she just wants to talk to her friends while she's working, and doesn't follow directions the first time they are given [it's very common in 5 year olds]" Yeah the following directions part.. Got it!! She does that at home, and the talking.. well she does that at home too, in fact it's non-stop :)

I have realized over the past month (more specifically today) that this is really a conversation I should be having with the Lord. It's not Sugar Mama that has the problem.. I'm pretty sure it's me. I'm desperate for her to get it right the first time.. directions, answers, everything, and it cannot be. I love her for who she is, and she needs to learn at her pace, not the one I set for her. That is REALLY hard...

Today I am Thankful for:

The Learning... we're both learning. Sugar Mama about reading and writing, and me about what's inside me and how it should stay there.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Twinkle Twinkle My Little Star...

Here is my little nugget girl who started her very first dance class yesterday.

I dressed her a little early so she could get used to the costume. So we had some time to sit around :)

It was refreshing to see that she has difficulty listening to someone other than me... although her dance teacher got better results :)

The outfit she is wearing belongs to Sugar Mama. She started at the same studio that Sugar Mama started at 3 years ago. Seeing her in this leotard brought a tear to my eye because when Sugar Mama had her first recital for this studio the Nugget was a month old :(

Today I am Thankful for:

The opportunity to spend moments with my family. I feel a lot of mommy guilt over not constantly drilling my children in school work. I want people to think they are brilliant, however I had an epiphany.... years from now when they are going through school I will wish for the moments when we can snuggle together and now worry about school. I am thankful for the realization that being head of the class isn't everything, but missing out on these wonderful moments will one day be everything.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

This Is My Temporary Home...

I heard that today and it rang really true. It's all temporary... just a stopping place before we get where we're going.. I'm glad he made it to the place that rests just beyond the clouds.

Through this blog you have met my little Nugget girl. I have said before, well say it daily, she is all work all the time. She is always on the go, into things that she shouldn't be, and never listens... seriously!! :) I should have known by her personality alone that Lively Situation was destined to have a 3rd child... she is classic middle child :) Having said that this morning.. like many mornings before I reminded Nugget girl to not push her chair back from the table with her feet because she would topple the chair over.

Have you ever had a moment where you could see something happening and could not do a thing to stop it? I saw the moment 2 of the legs left the floor. I was making lunch for Sugar Mama, who was sitting in floor insisting I put her shoes on, when I saw it begin. I attempted to step over Sugar Mama and Dooley who decided to lie in the floor next to Sugar Mama, and simply didn't make it before the chair hit the floor. I snatched her from the chair and hugged her, checking her for injuries... none where to be found and that is simply By the Grace of God!!!! She missed meeting the corner of the wall with her head by centimeters.. My adrenaline was pumping.

As I was hugging her she said "Mama, I trouble?" I still don't know if she was asking if she was in trouble for doing the thing I told her not to, or simply stating the facts.. she is trouble :)

Couple all this excitement with a tired and pregnant mama.... whew.. it makes for a traumatic Thursday :)

Today I am Thankful for:

Knowing God is always there. My mind simply cannot or will not process, I am not sure which, the fact that my Uncle Scott is gone. I talk with God about the things that plague me about this and he lets me feel that he held his hand, made sure he wasn't alone, and sits with him now. I no longer have to worry... as always he took care of everything before I even realized there was a need. I miss my Uncle Scott... a lot... but I could not feel more peace about where he is now. His lungs work great, and he no longer carries the burdens of this world. If he had to go.. I'm glad it was there.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Save A Place For Me...

This post won't be about the concert. I never made it. While going to pick up Sugar Mama from school I got a phone call that my uncle, who was visiting his son that he hadn't seen in over 10 years, wasn't doing well.

When you are running in dreams, you never go anywhere... the harder you try, the more effort you exert, the slower you go. That's what it was like... they were 30 minutes away... I was stuck behind a couple dozen cars, and no one knew CPR... The paramedics were lost, and so was the phone call. No information was passed as I dropped off the kids with the Hubs and rushed over there. In route we found out there was nothing they could do... When we arrived there were several people already there. I have never been apart of something so invasive. I believe in GOD with everything I have... I couldn't have gotten through the last 2 days without him... but when they were in that apartment all I could say... think... feel...

"Leave him alone...just leave... I don't want him to be surrounded by people he doesn't know.. he'll be afraid and alone." I couldn't move from my spot because I didn't want him to be afraid or alone... he was neither of those things.. but sometimes you cannot understand the logical side of a situation. There was nothing I could do.. nothing they could do.. well who could?!? If you read this blog and you don't have a person relationship with Christ...

My family and I have been called in to a hospital, no less that a handful of times to tell us my uncle wouldn't make it out. Not only did he make it out, he walked out... but I got a phone call from him about 2 months back telling me about all the wonderful changes God had made in his life. He walked out because God saw fit to give him another chance. He is not obligated to do so. He is only obligated to convict your heart ONCE... that's it. Scott made it. His lungs do not hurt anymore, he can breathe better than he ever did here.... his kidneys will never fail him again, he will never have to carry the burdens of this life with him again.

Want to know a secret? I'm selfish and I would like him back. As I explained to Sugar Mama that Uncle Scott went to be with Jesus.. she asked if Uncle Scott would have to be there in Jesus for long? Not as long as you think and then one day we'll join him... but for now... Save a Place for me...

Don't be mad if I cry
It just hurts so bad sometimes
'Cause everyday it's sinking in
And I have to say goodbye all over again
You know I bet it feels good to have the weight of this world off your shoulders now
I'm dreaming of the day when I'm finally there with you

Save a place for me
Save a place for me
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon
Save a place for me
Save some grace for me
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon

I have asked the question why
But I guess the answer's for another time
So instead I'll pray with every tear
And be thankful for the time I had you here
And I wanna live my life just like you did
Make the most of my time just like you did
And I wanna make my home up in the sky
Just like you did
Oh, but until I get there
Until I get there

Matthew West-Save a Place for Me

P.S. I have the best husband in the world. He volunteered to take Sugar Mama and my 2 cousins to the concert. We let him because there was too much going on for any other adults to go. So he and my dad took 3 kids to see Justin Bieber by themselves because it meant so much to them to go...

Monday, August 9, 2010

We have... Bieber Fever....

I know.. I know.. but I have a 5 year old little girl who thinks he rocks. It all started because he was discovered by someone here in Atlanta. He was on one of my favorite morning shows and I heard his first single. I like the beat, and bought the cd. Well she started to love him, and then passed it on to my 10 year old cousin and now Mama J, Me, Sugar Mama, My Aunt and 2 Cousins are going to see him in concert tonight!!

I did not tell Sugar Mama that the concert is tonight because she would have been completely unfocused :) But we will pick her up from car-pool and head out from there :)

I'm hoping we survive the tween screaming, but Mama J is bringing ear plugs so the outlook is good :)

Post pictures tomorrow of all the fun!!

Friday, August 6, 2010

Hello...hellooooo... helloooooo

Is there an echo? I'm feeling alone in this blogging world so:

Roll Call... Just say present!!

I haven't updated for a couple of reasons:
1. My memory card is still full... no judgement please :(
2. I am still recovering emotionally from sending my first born to kindergarten :(
3. I am preggo and have the energy to do nothing, nothing, nothing (there was an echo here too) There is nothing I won't neglect right now. In case you can't tell I am begging your pity :)

In all seriousness we are simply trying to adjust to our schedule. I require more sleep than the average person because I am currently growing a person :) and that is just a little hard because I must first put my munchkins in the bed. So as the week went on, and the adrenaline that carried us through the first few days wore off, we struggled. :)

But I have found the solution to all my problems:
Jesus, duh, but a smaller solution to a smaller problem:
A pregnancy pillow. Have you EVER used one of these? Three pregnancies later and it is the best investment I have ever made!! I got it second hand, sanitized it in the washer, and slept like a baby in a boppy in it today. That's what it looks like: a grown person boppy :)

Lastly, my Plemons lady, who is no longer a Plemons, had her baby boy this week. He is a doll, I expected no less, and he looks just like his mama :) I ask that you remember her and their family in your prayers, because having your first child is an experience that must be lived, before it can be understood. I hope she is getting lots of rest, she went through many, many hours of labor, and she deserves it :)

Today I am Thankful for:

The opportunity to sleep in the same bed, at the same time as my husband. It doesn't happen often, so I treasure the time that we are in the same room instead of swapping out :)

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

My First Day...

The day I have been dreading for a couple of weeks...

Sugar Mama was very excited. She woke up and said that her eye balls hurt (because it's been months since she's been up early :) but hopped right out of bed to get dressed. She did everything I asked her, the first time, and was simply happy to be up that early :)

A little backpack modeling...

One person who was going to miss her terribly... (well besides me)

Picture with daddy..

And pictures with mommy...

I was still doing well at this point. I didn't sleep well the night before because my anxiety had me stressing about the morning. She gathered up all of her supplies and was ready to head out the door. I rambled constantly in the car, trying to keep my tears at bay. We pulled up the madhouse that was parking. I was really proud of myself.. we walked in and went to her classroom.

Where she handed her supplies to her teacher and went straight to her seat. No, "Thanks mommy, I love you" or "Peace out thanks for stopping by"... NOTHING... so I went to her, which in hindsight was a mistake :) I bent down to give her a kiss and tell her that I hoped she had a good day and she looked at me to read my face. The strength was gone. I looked into that little face, who was worried about me, and had to leave immediately.

p.s. I hate to cry in front of other people!! Especially crying that is driven by strong emotion, and so I practically ran from the building. I could see the sympathy of the other parents who were surely saying "Oh she must be the mom of a kindergartner"... I made it to the car and took refuge in the private. The Hubs went with me and kept watch on the Nugget so I could leave when I needed. They were right behind me and I was a little collected by the time they made it.

The Nugget looked at me very sad like and said "Mommy where sister (which comes out more like scissor) and I lost it again... It was a tough day. But I got this poem from her teacher while running from the room:

The First Day of Kindergarten

I gave a little wink and smile
As you entered my room today.
For I know how hard it is to leave
And know your child must stay.
You've been with her for five years now
And have been a loving guide,
But now, alas the time has come
To leave her at my side.
Just know that as you drive away
And tears down your cheeks may flow
I'll love her as I would my own
And help her learn and grow.
For as a parent, I too know
How quickly the years do pass
And that one day soon it will be my turn
To take my child to class.
So please put your mind at ease
And cry those tears no more
For I will love her and take her in
When you leave her at my door.

F.Y.I. The 2nd day was easier, not easy, but just a little bit easier :)

Sunday, August 1, 2010

dot, dot, dot... thought bubble...

I will want to remember this time years and years from now.

Why? Because my baby girl starts kindergarten tomorrow. I have gotten a lot of advice from a lot of people, and lots of stories about how they all handled their children going to school.

Five years ago this little jewel stepped into my life, but before then she gave me a time for 8 months. She was my little 6lb. 6 oz. preemie baby who changed my world. She has stayed with me everyday of her life since. I've determined her schedule, her lunch, everything about her life... until tomorrow.

I met her perfectly normal and nice teacher, sat in her classroom and took a good look around, and realized that the start of her life was right there. It's such a huge moment. She'll be in school from now until she graduates college. She will learn everyday, she will make friends that she will find on facebook years from now and laugh about silly stuff they did in the cafeteria. She will have friends she initiates slumber parties with and little boys that she thinks are cute. It's such a fleeting moment. I struggle with control issues and one thing that has hit me like a ton of bricks is that she is growing up so fast. I am desperate to simply hang on to these moments because I am afraid of not remembering her 5 year old face... of her smell, what she loved and didn't. I just want her to be my little girl forever.... why can't it just be?

Simultaneously I have picked a tricky time to be out of control of my hormones. Don't get me wrong this moment would still be intensely emotional, but it's exacerbated by baby number 3 who controls my life. Even typing this I am teary eyed because I am going to miss her so much... I don't want her to leave me behind :)

This is definitely a moment they should tell you about on your first appointment with an OBGYN.

Today I am Thankful for:

My precious baby girl: She is so excited, and kind hearted about tomorrow. When I lie beside her tonight trying to explain why I'll cry tomorrow she wrapped her little hands around my neck and told me "mommy don't be sad, I'll be home before you know it"...