Sunday, August 1, 2010

dot, dot, dot... thought bubble...

I will want to remember this time years and years from now.

Why? Because my baby girl starts kindergarten tomorrow. I have gotten a lot of advice from a lot of people, and lots of stories about how they all handled their children going to school.

Five years ago this little jewel stepped into my life, but before then she gave me a time for 8 months. She was my little 6lb. 6 oz. preemie baby who changed my world. She has stayed with me everyday of her life since. I've determined her schedule, her lunch, everything about her life... until tomorrow.

I met her perfectly normal and nice teacher, sat in her classroom and took a good look around, and realized that the start of her life was right there. It's such a huge moment. She'll be in school from now until she graduates college. She will learn everyday, she will make friends that she will find on facebook years from now and laugh about silly stuff they did in the cafeteria. She will have friends she initiates slumber parties with and little boys that she thinks are cute. It's such a fleeting moment. I struggle with control issues and one thing that has hit me like a ton of bricks is that she is growing up so fast. I am desperate to simply hang on to these moments because I am afraid of not remembering her 5 year old face... of her smell, what she loved and didn't. I just want her to be my little girl forever.... why can't it just be?

Simultaneously I have picked a tricky time to be out of control of my hormones. Don't get me wrong this moment would still be intensely emotional, but it's exacerbated by baby number 3 who controls my life. Even typing this I am teary eyed because I am going to miss her so much... I don't want her to leave me behind :)

This is definitely a moment they should tell you about on your first appointment with an OBGYN.

Today I am Thankful for:

My precious baby girl: She is so excited, and kind hearted about tomorrow. When I lie beside her tonight trying to explain why I'll cry tomorrow she wrapped her little hands around my neck and told me "mommy don't be sad, I'll be home before you know it"...

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