Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Pickles...

That's not a particular craving, but I've eaten one almost every day of the week with a sandwich :)

I've been absent for longer than intended again, and not because I have a shortage of things to write about, but because I feel like everything continues to spin out of my control. Blogging in the last on the list. Although I should put my thoughts here to give me an outlet to the stress I insist on inviting in my life. The stress and I aren't friends, exactly the opposite, I consider it to be my enemy, still I entertain it at the worst times.

For instance: my children insist on waking me at the same time every morning. 4:30... what is significant about this time I'm not sure, but for about the past week and a half 4:30 it is. Sugar Mama yesterday morning because she thought her panties were wet, The Nugget this morning because she couldn't find monkey and she was cold... as soon as my eyes pop open, I think instantly, of all the things I need to do. Bills, homework, baby preparation, etc. I can't go back to sleep until about 5:45 only to be startled by the alarm that I know is going to go off at 6:00.

Now I'm awake for the second time in a day, not exactly happy, more like resigned to just accept the inevitable and I get up to start my day.. the stress doesn't leave, instead reappearing later in the day..

So today on the way home from Dance, where I studied self-made flashcards for a test I have today, I heard this song. The Perry's.. they are a country band, and they have a great song. I must admit that the song doesn't make a lot of sense to me. I get the gist of it, but the lyrics sort of lose me. Either way on my way home, listening to this song, I sort of burst into tears. Not sobbing but enough to choke me up and make me pause. The stress had left for just a minute and instead of focusing on everything I have not accomplished yet I was reminded of things I tend to forget:

1. I'm here... I could not be.
2. My little tater tot is growing like she should be, I'm not typing this blog about something entirely different.
3. I have accomplished some things today.. maybe not everything I wanted but I had the opportunity to get things done and it could be worse.
4. Most importantly: since the stress and I aren't friends, I won't have a hard time kicking it to the curb.. really it has a control on my life right now that I'm simply not comfortable with. And why should it? I'm not in control of anything that happens in this life. The things for this baby will get done the same way the were done for the two before her. School will be over in a matter of weeks and it will be time to move on. Bills will get paid and my hubs has a job, those are important things.

So I bid a farewell to the stress. It will come back, knock on my door, look through my windows to see if I'm home and simply hiding (I will be), and leave a "Sorry I missed you note", but I think I'll let it visit somewhere new for now.

Today I am Thankful for:


The Expecting/New Mother parking that was left open just for me at my Kroger, and for the fact that I found a pair of pants that fit again today. I wonder constantly when the day will come that my regular pants will no longer be an option.. my ban on maternity clothes is hanging on strong.. but I may need to concede soon.

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