Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Who Will I Be...

In a matter of months I will turn 29...

For the longest time, 30 has seemed so far in the future that I've never given it a lot of attention.  I think 29 is going to be a long year :)

Almost 6 years ago I fought hard to be a stay at home mom.  The hubs was afraid what it would mean for our family because we had struggled living on only one income when I was pregnant with Sugar Mama.  But I was resentful when he said no.  I needed to stay at home with her because I was the only one who could properly care for her.

Six years down the road and over the past several weeks it has hit me between the eyes at what that decision really meant.  Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever, regret having stayed at home with my children.  I have simply marveled at the ability to literally watch them grow everyday.

Today as I poured milk into a bottle that I had manually pumped I was astounded to discover the level of achievement I felt at making a single bottle.  That is the culmination of my life right now... achievement measured in breast milk ounces.

I wonder, who will I be, 6 more years from now when I am 35... will I recognize who she is?  Will she still dread Monday's because it means laundry.. 6, 7, 8, loads of laundry that has to be washed, folded and put away (sigh)?  Will she still feel a new sense of awkwardness never met in adolescence in it's proper place, but now as an adult, looking a hot mess all the time, but making sure her daughters always look great?  Will she still consider the short time of getting a mani/pedi a break instead of the little pampering it should be considered?

Will I, Lively Situation, have some type of life that is measured outside of the other 4 members of Lively Situation?  I'm not sure... but I hope so.  I hope by then that I have a career to occupy the time, finally void, by the attendance of school by my children.  Where people will be appreciative of my attention to small details, recognize my accomplishments with praise that reflects solely my actions, and not a reflection of my family members.

Who Will I Be...

I continue to wonder...

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Lively Situation Bowl-a-rama...

Sugar Mama and Nugget girl attended a birthday party a few weeks back at a bowling alley.  We had never taken them bowling because quite frankly we didn't think we could handle the chaos.  We were missing out.  They did beautifully and they really enjoyed it.  So we went back today.  

As she waited, Nugget girl was drying her hair on the ball return :)


We went from youngest to oldest :) Nugget girl was up first...



She tried on her own the next time.. notice the hands on hip action waiting for her ball to finally get to the end of the lane :)


Sugar Mama, who was doing pretty well for only having bowled one other time!!


And of course Pea in  Pod who was so good.  Of course it is because I am convinced my husband is the baby whisperer, but that's for another time.


At one point in the game, I was tied with my children... who were using guard rails, and the ball ramp to line it up.. sad I know :)



But I did manage to beat them in the end, and in an interesting turn of events Nugget girl beat Sugar Mama by 3 points :)


Today I am Thankful for: 

Some quality family time, and the laughter that is always present when I spend it with these wonderful Lively Situation participants :)

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

It's Opposite Day..

Have you ever had one of those days when nothing seems to go right?  Everything you try just goes to poo in a hand basket... which would make a big ol' mess by the way.

Today was not one of those days.  

Let's take a trip back to yesterday... early evening.. about 5:00 p.m., shall we?

(You are in a dream sequence traveling back to yesterday where things twist and turn and then magically right themselves at 5:00 p.m. yesterday, in my breakfast nook :)

We attempted to have pictures taken of our smallest girl... apparently you are supposed to do this during the first 1 to 2 weeks... we are about 6 weeks off the mark :/  Any who... so our two oldest girl had been bathed, dried, curled, etc., and our smallest girl was just not having it.  She screamed almost the whole time, and bless our photographers heart!! She's pregnant.. like 2 months away from delivery pregnant and she was amazingly patient!!  However pea in a pod was still not having it, andshe got only one GREAT shot but some good one's of Sugar Mama and Nugget girl.  

The good parts came after that.  After dinner Nugget girl got down from the table and I called her name and asked her to come and get her plate from the table and put it in the sink.  She called back "okay"... I realized like 10 minutes had gone by and she still had not come back to get her plate.  I went to check on her and found that my sweet middle girl went to her bedroom, got in her bed, and went straight to sleep :)  On top of that Pea in a Pod went to sleep at 1:00 a.m. and slept until 7 this morning!!

After she woke and nursed she went right back to sleep and slept really hard!! I felt very rested this morning, an unusual feeling for sure :)  On the way to take Nugget girl to dance I had to get gas.. not my favorite errand, but especially when I have to use cash and go in to pay.. because then I have to take all the kids out when I'm by myself.  I pulled up to the station and got out to get my girls out and the owner was standing at the door helping a vendor, I never had to leave my spot :)

Nugget girl was so good today, and I've learned to time my carpool just right so that we only have to be gone for about 20 minutes as opposed to 40 and Nugget girl is ready to put herself to bed at 7:30  :)

The rest of the day was fabulous too.  We came home, did homework easily, and we did not turn the television on for the rest of the day!!  Instead they danced to Justin Bieber, dressed up, and played outside while daddy grilled steaks and baked potatoes!!

Today I am so Thankful for: 

Those days that God gives you to just give you a break and refresh your mind, and usually when you need it the most!! :)

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Officially 2 Months...

So we are officially 2 months old!! Again nothing terribly exciting to report, but she has been giving us great big open mouth smiles, which we just love!! And she did roll from her stomach to her back :)

Daddy Makes Her Smile... well duh!!




Her First Official Church Dress :)




And We're 2 Months Old!!



On the weekends my children have no concept of sleeping in.. they just don't.  So this morning I stumbled out of bed to greet Nugget girl as she let me know she was hungry :) 

This is her set up with the usual suspects.. puppy, monkey, and Cowboy :)




And then of course she was a Hollywood superstar on the way to church




Sugar Mama was sharing with the hubs about how her friend came to school as an "electtristan" for community helpers day.  The Hubs then told her that he too was an electrician and they started to play fishing with his fold out measuring stick.  Then they actually used it for measuring!! :)



She is a whopping 42 1/2 inches tall :)

It was a busy but great weekend!! I have been so tired my bones are ready to sleep but we've also got a lot accomplished and I'm very thankful for that!! :)

Today I am Thankful for: 

The communication my husband and I share.  There is nothing we can't talk about and it is so helpful to have a person in this world who knows everything about you and still loves you anyways ;)

Saturday, March 19, 2011

It's A Pamper Mommy Kind of Day...

Sometimes a girl just needs a little love.. and so today my husband gave me lots of it!! On top of just being at home, with me, to help me.. he also took me, Sugar mama and Nugget girl to get mani/pedis this morning.. he did paint my nails last night but this morning they looked an alien kind of green and so he just took me to the nail shop and dropped me off :)  He even washed and cleaned my car during my quiet time and then came back with the girls for their nails.

Nugget girl surprised everyone by sitting perfectly still and letting the technician paint her nails




Of course Sugar mama is an old pro...




We left straight from here to attend our nephew/cousin's 2nd birthday party where we enjoyed all things Toy Story.  Nugget girl is currently obsessed with these movies.  Mama J bought them for her as a Christmas present and she watches them everyday... all day on repeat if I would let her.  We enjoyed a little extended family time and then left to do some more mommy pampering.  

I needed new tennis shoes because I have all but worn out my fantastic $20 Ross' Under Armor shoes that I absolutely love.  So I went to find some new ones... unfortunately I was not so lucky, but I did pick up some Warm Vanilla Sugar body cream, hand sanitizers for my diaper bag, and a beautiful lavender nail polish complete with a huge blinging toe ring :)

Next, because I have stopped eating sweets for Pea in a Pod's stomach consideration and my unhealthy relationship has been on hiatus for a while.. the hubs treated all of his ladies to Banana Pudding Milk shakes from Chick-fil-a.. P.S. it was obviously meant to be because it was B.O.G.O :)  Nugget girl was just too tired to finish.



I finally did find some awesome Nike's.. not my original choice (sold out) but a great pair (On Sale), Nike Tank Top and some great Nike socks!!  I am particular about my socks :)

In conclusion.. my toes look awesome, I have new socks and shoes for my awesome toes, and some wonderful smelling bath products to keep those toes smelling awesome.. good times!! :)

Today I am Thankful for: 

A Little Me Time that reminds me that I can have, and do things outside of Lively Situation and life will still be, okay!! :)

Friday, March 18, 2011

A Room Re-Do...

For about 6 months now Sugar Mama and Nugget have been sharing a room.  It started with the introduction of the toddler bed where Nugget girl was so proud to have a big girl bed of her very own.  And then she discovered that she could get into a really big girl bed, and have the added benefit of a partner in her crime :)  It was working well, against my objections, until about a month ago.  Nugget girl gets restless if she takes a nap... Sugar mama is exhausted from school and they would fight in out before succumbing to sleep irritated with one another.  The hubs and I came up with the solution of getting them their own beds, just alike, and re-doing their room.

It's really stayed Sugar mama's room and not every really their room.  So we vowed to change that.. and here is the space before... notice the toddler bed shoved against the wall rendering the space almost impassable, especially for a big ol' pregnant woman making a bed :)





And here is the new space!! With awesome bunk beds :)




And Happy St. Patrick's Day a day later!!





Last But Not Least... From our Smallest Girl Who Said She knows she is adorable but could her daddy please talk to her about something else :)


This sweet little girl had her first set of shots today... those appointments just break my heart :(

But Today I am Thankful for: 

Being so tired that I can barely keep my eyes open from our room make over, and my freshly painted toes courtesy of my wonderful husband :)

Thursday, March 17, 2011

8 weeks.... Two Months...

So our smallest girl will be 2 months tomorrow and it seems as though time is just flying by.  I felt my pregnancy go just as quickly so you would think I would be used to waking up and realizing 4 days has passed in a blur, but still not there yet.  The good part is that my body has finally adapted to the interrupted sleep.  Don't get me wrong I'm still tired, but I can actually get out of bed with out thinking solely of the next time I can be in it. :)

Have you heard?  Kelly had her sweet baby girl yesterday!! Go over to www.kellyskornerblog.com and check out her sweet girl and that head full of hair.

Things are getting a little better on this home front.  I read that last blog to my hubs and asked him what he thought.. he felt the same way as me... simply that we needed to find a better outlet and fit for the things I was feeling.  I still haven't filled my rx, but that's not because I'm afraid, honestly it's because I have to be the one to take it and taking all 3 of my children for such a short trip seems like such a chore... so I'll get it done...in the near future.  In the mean time I'm able to see a slight change... in fact it's been days since I've cried, which is huge.  I have made a very conscience effort to be extremely patient with my children.  You are probably thinking that's a no brainer, but it has been an exercise of great restraint on my part because irrational mood swings is yet another part of this PPD.

So onward we go...






This is smallest sweetest girl sleeping yesterday.. she was so sweet all snuggled up.  

On exciting news, I haven't mentioned that the twin is pregnant with her second child.  We've just found out that it's a Boy.  We will finally add some testosterone to this family!!

I hope everyone has a wonderfully green St. Patrick's Day.  Sugar Mama and Nugget Girl were so excited to discover that a sneaky leprechaun had sneaked into our house this morning and turned our muffins green :)  Oh to be so small and full of joy!!

Today I am Thankful for: 

The joy of my sweet small girls, the upcoming weekend that means no work for my husband, and the possibility of a nap ;)

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Little Time To Spare...

In case you can't tell from the lack of blog posts.. It's hard trying to take care of 3 kids.  :/  As it always happens when we have a newborn in our house.. the hubs is working 7 days a week, and since that wasn't enough to test my sanity they just started working 10 hours days... 7. Days. A. Week....

This is one of the reasons that I posted my suspicions about post partum.  I had an open and honest conversation about this with my OB and my appointment and he agreed that I do indeed have post partum.  My problem with this is: 
1. Why is it so hard for me to admit this?  Honestly as I explained it to my husband it's incredibly humbling to accept that you cannot handle it alone and you need help.  But why... is it unreasonable to expect that with my pregnancy hormones coupled with the hormones necessary to produce milk that I would be over whelmed and teary at basically being a single parent?  I don't think so, but it's embarrassing to admit.. there I said it. 
2. It made me a little happy as he handed me that slip for a rx because I saw it as a possible way back to who I think I am, because quite frankly at this stage in the game I don't recognize myself, and I want to get me back.  My children are not getting the best version of me right now and they do not deserve that.

More importantly I don't want people to think I'm a few straight jackets shy of the crazy house.  This is real.. and I'm not really all that affected by it.  I mean don't get me wrong I cry just about everyday.. not even about significant things, but because my husband goes to bed.  Well sure he goes to bed.. he's been up for 16 hours and just got off work, but in my mind it's him leaving me alone and that send me into a sobbing fit equivalent of real grief.  I get irrationally irritated at the small things my children do.. again they deserve a better version than the one they are getting.  I feel depressed.  I'm not interested in taking care of my own basic needs, at the same time I recognize it and just don't feel the energy to change it. But there are people who have it a lot worse.

I haven't filled the rx yet.. because of the reluctance mentioned above, but I'm thinking seriously about it.  What does that make me?  Does it mean I'm not trusting God to improve my situation.. perhaps... Because my husband has been working for 7 days since Pea in a Pod was born last Sunday was the first Sunday I've been to church in 6 weeks... I miss seeing my friends hearing the word, because maybe, just maybe the reason the depression slipped in is because I've let some of my God slip out.  I'm working on it.

He doesn't need my Zoloft, he isn't depressed, he's simply waiting in the wings for me to decide how to handle my feelings.. and the to finally ask him what I should do.. because I haven't done that yet either... You can see how scattered my mind is right now :)

On positive notes: Pea in a Pod finally smiled in earnest at me today.  Cannot tell you how that makes my heart melt.  In my 2 week hiatus she turned a whole month old :) There is nothing exciting to write about that age except that she did sleep an entire night.  A whole 8 hours :) Of course it was on the one night the hubs was at home, showing him that I'm a big fat liar and do in fact get some sleep :/  Of course it hasn't happened since :)

Nugget girl is talking up a storm lately... she's always been verbal but it's gotten a lot better recently.  Yesterday she exclaimed from her seat "Mommy look I make a 2" holding up 2 fingers.. makes me smile with pride :)

Lastly Sugar Mama has been working so hard in Kindergarten that I just want to squeeze her.  I met with her teacher today and got a great review.. she's meeting all of her standards and exceeds in lots of areas. (beaming with pride)

So Today I am Thankful for: 

All the things I have to be thankful for, even in the midst of not knowing my own mind, or recognizing my own heart.