Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Letting Go..


Warning: I am crying now, and will continue through this entire post

This is my baby brother and his family.  Today he left to go to basic training for the army.  I am incredibly spent right now from sobbing all day long.  This day has been circled on my mental calendar for a long time.  I've known it was coming and yet pushed it as far away as I could, until today when I was forced to accept it.

We are 5 years apart.. I have the twin and him, that's it.  We've been BFF's for as long as I can remember.  When he went to NY to live about 4 years ago I was devastated... I sobbed just as hard then, but he came back to me a short time later.  I do not get to see him as often as I would like because we both have families and he lives about 45 minutes away, but the possibility has always been there, until today.  

I did not go and watch him get on that bus, because I am a coward.  See I've been here before.  I know exactly what it's like to watch someone get on that plane, not knowing when you will get to see them again.  Knowing that many months will go by before you get to see them again, and when you do see them the joy is soon overshadowed by the dread of having to watch them leave again..  I know what it's like to watch the news of war torn countries and wonder where my loved one is on this day.  I didn't watch him get on that bus today because I just couldn't.  The husband tried to talk me into going.. and I refused.  Today, I regret that decision.  Tomorrow I probably will not, but today I wish I would have stood there and let him know I could do that for him.

I've been watching the clock all day, and I finally texted the twin to ask her if he was gone.  He wasn't, he was standing with Mama J, so I texted that I loved him so much and would miss him more than I could say, and broke down.  I am sad, sad that I won't see him for a long time.  Angry because I feel like he has a new life without me, and that just doesn't sit well with me.  And quite frankly I'm scared.  I've thought all day about whether or not they will be mean to him (I'm sure they will, it's their job), if he'll be too tired and get in trouble, if he'll get enough to eat.  If there will be moments when he's lonely and wishes we could be with him.

As his older sister it has always been my job to look out for him, but really we've looked out for each other.  When I married the Husband, he walked me down the aisle.. and today I had to let him go and live his own life, in a place that is far away from me.  

Today I am Thankful for: 

A Quiet place to simply let the tears fall.  I miss him already, and I am certain it will get worse from here.  Hopefully there will be many quiet places in the future. 

Saturday, May 28, 2011

So Many Things...

It's been a long week here.  The husband is still working 7 days a week, 10 hours a day, so it's me my and ladies.  School also started (for me) and ended (for sugar mama).
First let me say..I cannot believe I am the mother of a first grader.  Mama J has said it more times than I care to remember, but time really does fly by when they get to school.  She made all meets expectations and lots of exceeds expectations.  I simply could not be more proud of her.  For me I am taking one class online, and one class on campus.  The one on campus is 5 hours long.  Oh My Gracious.. that is the first time I have ever done this.. and wow, thank goodness my professor is AWESOME!!  This is my last semester as a pre-nursing student.  Well, hopefully.  Can I be a little honest with you? GREAT!!  See I am to apply in the fall, to actually attend in the spring.  I cannot tell you how nervous it makes me.  We have a very competitive program.  It's not that my grades aren't good enough, they are, in fact I'm a Golden Key Member (this is for my children some day :) but I am so afraid of what it will mean to actually get in and start my life that I cannot imagine it, therefore, I assume it will not happen.  God I ask that you please be with this.

My Middle girl is up to so many things.. we have been rocking at the potty training.. so much that I have wondered when we move from training to trained.. also she is just coming up with the funniest things to say.  Today the Husband said "I'm hungry"  Sugar Mama shouted from the back seat "Me too" and Nugget girl said "Me Free (three)" we laughed so hard.  Also, as I was leaving yesterday she overheard me say something that must have just surprised her because she put her hand on her chest and said "Whaaaaaaatttt".  She's getting funnier by the day :)

Our smallest girl is eating big girl foods now.  We have successfully tried peaches, bananas, and pears.  Unsuccessful = sweet potatoes.  She just spit them right out!!  She is rolling front to back and back to front, reaching for her toys, and even opening her mouth for food (5/28/11) I have suspended the rice cereal for now, it seems to back up her little tummy.  Has anyone ever experienced this also?

School is out for summer and I am one happy mama.  Anyone who knows me knows that with me, is exactly where I want my children to be :)  Last summer I was too nervous of what it would mean for Sugar Mama to start Kindergarten... this year my Nugget girl starts preschool.  I wonder if I will cry... yeah probably.. check back in August to verify :)

Today I am Thankful for: 

I asked my sweet girls their prayer requests for the first time tonight.  Sugar Mama - "Uncle Christopher because he is going in the army and we will miss him."   Nugget girl - Mimi
Kelly Stamps said it best I want every day to guide their hearts!!

Friday, May 20, 2011

ROADTRIP...

This time last week we were headed to Destin Florida.  It was the first time we have ever taken a weekend trip with our small children and it was incredibly hard, although if I had it to do over, I probably would. :)


Sugar Mama held strong with being terrified of the ocean waves, while Nugget girl was introduced for the 2nd time, loving it much more than the first.  She was fearless, so much that we had to keep our eyes on her even more than usual.  When we arrived it was storming.  So we unloaded and when a break came we took them to see the ocean for a short time, until the storm came back :)

The next day is was beautiful weather!!


Our little sweet pea was not having it at first, but when she got comfortable she took a nice long snooze on the beach.

 All of the children decided to bury the Husband and my brother.  We later made them into mermen :)


We had a wonderful day at the beach and enjoyed a great dinner as a family that night.  We went back to our beach house and laughed together at the dumbest things, but simply enjoyed being together.  The next day we made sure to get at least one family shot. 


I feel like we are still recovering a week later :)  But we've had some firsts going on.  For instance our little sweet pea laughed for the very first time, turned a whopping four months old, and had her very first taste of baby food!!


Here she is showing off her monkey hat...


And then Bananas!!

I am so sad to say that the hand feeding her is not mine.  I was at a cheer leading thing with Sugar Mama last night.  And after the horrible day I had yesterday, knowing this, it sort of sent me over the edge this morning.  I do not, for any situation, want to miss out on the firsts of my children's lives.  But selfishly I also cannot wait to begin/finish my school career for me.  

Most of all, I just love that she ate like a champ.  The husband fed her 1/2 a stage one jar of bananas and 5 oz. bottle of breast milk.  She was awake when I came home, and nursed for about 30 minutes and then slept for 11 hours!! I cannot tell you how much I needed that.  The night before we racked up only 2 hours of sleep.  It makes me grouchy.  Plus baby food and rice cereal will give her tummy something to hold onto and maybe she'll start taking naps and sleeping through the night more.  

Today I am Thankful for: 

So many things, but for the open and honest conversations I can have with my husband and the heartfelt sincere words he gives when I need them most.  Sometimes we sacrifice, and sometimes others sacrifice for us.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Broken...

This was going to be a fluff post about the road trip we took this weekend to the beach.  I will share that next time, but first let me say that a weekend trip to the beach with 3 small children is the hardest thing I have ever done!!

Last week I shared with you the new group I have joined at church.  We are taking a deeper journey into our relationships with God and this week we started at square one.  After reading in 2nd Corinthians that once saved, man is a new creation, old things have passed away and become new, the question was asked what we hoped to gain from this journey.

I answered "To learn to forgive when someone continues to push you to your breaking point without compromising your Christianity"... what came after broke me.  This is what I feel like God is doing with me now.. 

breaking me down, every fear, preconceived notion, assumption I have about myself, others, and situations, and rebuilding me into who he wants me to be.  I listened to a woman I consider to be a great friend give her testimony of the time she had to forgive when she was broken.  When she thought she had forgiven only to find out that God had other thoughts and brought her to a raw and vulnerable place.  I physically ached for her as she retold this story and considered all the conversation as I sat and tried to listen to what God wanted me to hear.

I have never done a thing for which to be forgiven.  God forgave me anyways.  He never gave up, never washed his hands, never felt indifference, exactly the opposite he sent his only son to die on a cross to forgive me for my sins.  I have not idea where my life is going to take me.  I pray that I do not find myself in a similar situation as my friend, but should I, I hope to have even a fraction of the strength or grace she had.

Today I'm broken.. breaking, but tomorrow I'm healed, re-built, redeemed.  Tomorrow, my father makes me into the person he knew I would be before I was even born.

Today I am thankful for: 

Everything that God is and does is so overwhelming it is impossible to wrap your arms around it.  I am thankful for that knowledge that he is everywhere - the substance of things hoped for the evidence of things not seen.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

On a New Journey...

I've just started a group I am really excited about.  It's a discipleship group with 5 other ladies from my church that range in ages 28 -65.  We are reading Bridges of the Journey.  We meet once a week and discuss this ministry together.  You can find the first 2 sections of navpress.com.  I encourage you to try it!!


This is a great group of women and I am so excited to go deeper in to God's word.  It completed a day that has gone much better.  I'm still missing my friend sleep but my wonderful husband let me take a nap today before I went to my meeting.  


There is just something about interacting with sweet Godly women that does my soul good.  I get that from Nugget girl's dance studio as well as these women in my church.  It makes me feel like a woman as a separate entity from mother, wife.  Not that I don't enjoy and love those roles in my life, it's just nice to have an adult conversation every once in a while :)


On a side note Nugget girl has been actively potty training for over a week and finally today we went potty all day with no accidents!!  I cannot tell you how happy and accomplished that makes me feel!!  It also makes me feel like she is not a baby anymore.  I am both insanely pleased and slightly sad :/


Today I am Thankful for: 


My church family... a place where I can find good friends and lots of God's love

Monday, May 9, 2011

Missing: My Dear Friend Sleep..

If found please return to Lively Situation!!

Today has not been a good day for me.  It started off great, and then just went to stress, stress, stress.  Sugar Mama's class had a mother's day muffins for moms event today.  This will be the items I keep for the rest of my life..
According to my sweet girl: 
I am 21 (heck yeah :)
My favorite activity: doing crafts 
And while she is at school I: miss her a lot :)
She loves me because: 
I keep her safe and I'm beautiful when I wear make-up.  This part makes me laugh because I never wear make-up... I guess this is her way of asking me to!!

Her teacher read "I Love You Forever"... Ugh, I cannot read that book to my own children at bedtime without sobbing, imagine at a mother's celebration... I totally cried :)

But today was laundry day for all 5 people and I've had no sleep therefor no energy... maybe you other mothers can tell me but Pea Pod refuses to sleep.  She nurses constantly and I'm worn down.  I don't want to put her on cereal until the doctor tells me to, but she never goes fully to sleep until 2 - 3 a.m. and she sleeps for a pretty good stretch, but when she wakes again in the morning she stays awake until she goes to bed at 2 -3 a.m.... I felt it today and so it made the rest of my day hard.  She also refuses to do anything but be held... I simply cannot hold her every moment.. and for the short time I need her to sit so I can do something else she screams bloody murder.. sigh!

She does however sleep great when the hubs is at home.. go figure.. here she is sleeping under the covers in our bed on Sunday..



Sensing that mommy needed a small break Nugget Girl decided to sneak away for a moment.  When she was quite for about 3 minutes I started to worry so I got up from nursing to search for her.  I found her in the playroom, under the train table, asleep :)



And yes her feet are propped up :)  This gave me a good laugh, which she must have also known that I needed!!  I know this phase will pass and honestly it switches... she does often sleep 6 - 8 hour stretches.. she just starts at 3 a.m. and I have to be up at 6.  It's a little hairy scary right now and I could use a really good nap ;)

Today I am Thankful for: 

Fresh, clean babies who smell so sweet and look so sleepy.  Innocence in a bath towel :)

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Happy Mother's Day 2011...



My Middle girl is slightly obsessed with Toy Story.  Mama J bought her all 3 movies for Christmas and they have since been on heavy rotation.  That being said, all of her family bought her Toy Story for her birthday.
1: Ken and Barbie from Sugar Mama :)
2. Mr. & Mrs. Potato head, they must be kept together because they are madly in love :)
Mr. from Uncle Christopher and Mrs. From Mimi
3. Trixie the dinosaur from Mimi and Pawpaw D
4. Jessie from Aunt Amanda
5, 6, & 7: Dolly, Hamm (evil Dr. Porkchop) and Bullseye from Daddy, Mommy, and Pea in a Pod.
8. Buzz Lightyear from Mimi 
9. Rexy from Gigi and Pops
10 & 11. Mr. Pricklepants and Buttercup from Mimi D and Pawpaw D.

She also got Jessie cow girl boots to go with her Jessie t-shirt :)

But today is Mother's Day.. and never let it be said that my husband does not know me, for he does, sometimes even better than I know myself.

My mantle has been empty for the almost year that we have lived here.  Just waiting for the right thing to take up it's entirety... today it found it.



He printed a very large size picture of my 3 sweetest girls, had it framed, and finally completed the room.

Today I am Thankful for: 

The three gorgeous girls who made me a mother, and for my own who taught me to be one. 

Saturday, May 7, 2011

I'm A Mess... For Real..

After reading my recent post you are probably sick of all the sweet sugary perfect presentation that is my life.  It hit me right in between the eyes as I read that I do love my husband but our lives are as far from perfect as one could get.  I don't want to put the false notion out that I never have fights with my husband, or that my house is always clean, or even that my children are seriously well behaved.  

For example: At the grocery story this week I was loaded down with about 2 weeks worth of grocery catching up.  Nugget girl was walking with me and Pea in a Pod was supposed to be sleeping in her car seat.  I made it about 1/3 of the way through before Nugget girl started demanding this and that.. and then she got Pea in a Pod started.  She screams, Pea in a Pod I mean, and it sounds suspiciously like a teradyctal... And then she cries.. 
So after about 30 minutes of hearing demands and ear damaging squeals/screams I'd had enough.  As soon as I got to the car Pea in  Pod was ready to nurse... so I sat in the parking lot nursing one child while the other sat in the potty in the back... you might be a redneck if...

Another example: I hate going clothes shopping.  I do not do it often enough in the supply and demand part, but going with now 3 children is such a challenge that I do not do it.  I often get super frustrated and just walk out with nothing.  So when my husband pushes me to try on this, or try on that when I am simply defeated I get my back up.  Side Note: It is super important to me to teach my children respect.  In these moments it is so hard not to lash out, but I try to remember my children watching... Either way I usually do get a little passionate and heated when I responded.. which makes him get his back up... More importantly we're in public.. not the time to air our grievances... 

And yet another example... Here are some areas of my house that I banish from my life because my OCD and the need for organization has waged war against them.  I should warn you that they are all behind doors.. where I can close them off like the wayward pieces of my home that they are:  I present to you...


The Master Bedroom Walk-in closet...



What I wish It would look like...




Our Pantry, which is really just a closet in the laundry room... Which someday will be turned into a proper pantry.. just as soon as I figure out what to do with my washer and dryer.




Again, what I wish it looked like...




And the closet that our 2 oldest daughters share...




Wish Upon a Star...




I'm so good with the organizational, but not even friendly with the cute and stylish....


This post went on a, what I want, tangent, but you get what I'm trying to say right?  Please don't ever be misled by my love for my family into thinking that we shoot rainbows from our tushes.  We are normal and we get under each other's skin... I just rainbow it all with love :)


Today I am Thankful for: 
Mothers

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Going to the Chapel, and We're Gonna Get Maaaaarried....


This is the love of my life... next week we will officially be wed for 7 years.  So 7 years ago I was singing about going to the chapel :)

Let me back up...

I come from a home of divorced parents.. honestly I never really knew any different.  By the time I was able to understand, my dad was traveling the world in the military and Mama J had remarried, so that was my life.  My dad eventually remarried exposing me to step parents my whole life, but because my parents remained such great friends post-divorce I never considered that life should be any other way.  However, I knew someday that I wanted different than that.  I wanted to get married and stay that way.  I never had any grand illusions that my parents would reunite but I just wanted to know that for me it was forever.

Enter the hubs who comes from a home where his parents are still married to this day and he is an only child.  Our lives couldn't be different.  I know what my children experience as a middle child of 3.  He knows what it's like to get what you want when you want it.  I am the middle child of 3, he is an only child.  I grew up in a single parent home most of my life, his parents have always been together.. 

But thinking on our lives today I laughed recalling some of the silliness we've been through over the past 7 years.. (we've been together for 9 1/2 but only married 7).  How did we do it?

1. We refuse to argue in emotion.  When I'm angry, and believe me it takes quite a bit to get me there, I have to walk away.  I need a moment to compose myself, otherwise, I say what comes to mind, regardless of feelings. 

2. I love him even in the bad times.  Life is hard... We are a single income family with 3 children.  I watch the budget as carefully as possible and when the bills are rolling in, and money is rolling out, leaving virtually no extra it can be taxing.  Money is the number one things couples fight about.. I love him when I'm wearing yoga pants for day 2 because it's what I have or when I'm being pampered... it never leaves, exactly the opposite it grows everyday.

3. We do not fight about money.  We are open and honest with each about what we spend, where it's going and whether or not it's going to be there when we need it :)  The only time we are secretive is around holiday time.. then, well a surprise is a surprise :)

4. We share in the responsibility of raising our children.  I spend a great deal of time with them, which often leads them to believe that I'm the only one who disciplines.. it's not the case.  I don't defer to him and he does not to me.  Whoever gets to the situation first handles it, and we back each other up.  We do not under mind the other.  If there is something we need to talk about, we do it in private.  We always present a united front.

5. We always talk.  We share everything.  There is not a thing that happens during my day that I do not share with him.  Sometimes it when I'm venting, others when I'm laughing but always because I want him to be a part too.   He tells me about his job, and though I cannot possibly understand it, I like listening and being a part of his life away from us.

6. We take time together. We have 3 children so it's hard to find a baby sitter but occasionally we ask Mama J to venture over and have a date night.  It lets our children know that we love each other and they simply wouldn't be without us.. and God of course.  We came first, and we have to keep it that way.  One day our children will have lives of their own and we will be a couple again... we need to know each other when we get there. 

7.  We are linked in the brain.  No, seriously.  It's like we can read each other's mind.  I often say we are always on the same page and that's because we're always thinking the same thing, having the same ideas, and coming to the same conclusions.  I like to think it's because our souls are linked so it runs straight to the brain.

So that's seven.. the number of completion.  I"ll leave it at that and know that I am thankful :)

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Happy Birthday Nugget Girl...



My Sweetest girl is turning 3 today.  Here she is sleeping in our smallest girl's boppy :)  

There are so many things to say about this sweet munchkin.. For instance she is so head strong.  If we have a child who will always stand up for themselves it will be her.  She is so much more vocal than our oldest and the things she says just tickles me to death.

For instance just the other day she noticed freckles on my shoulder.  She asked me what they were and I told her.  She said "Oh it's sparkles".. I laughed, said no, and asked if she could say freckles.. her reply "Oh it's sparkles".. this went on for like 5 minutes and I laughed until I cried.  She started to laugh too!!  Finally I said "No sweet girl, not sparkles, this isn't Twilight" :)

She is so smart, and not just because I am her mama, but a real genius in the making (okay that may be the mama part :)  I love hearing her answer a question correctly and watch her get excited for herself and then ask for a high five.  

She's working on potty training, see the last post, and that was a little difficult today.  I had some errands to run, so what does this mama do in a pinch?  That's right, I took the potty with me.  Please reserve your judgments on my crazy until the end.   So as I went through my day I asked her if she need to go.. she said yes, so I put her in the back of the car and let her sit until she said she was done.  Sure it was a little crazy looking, of course I was a tiny bit mortified thinking someone would see me potty training my child from the back of my car, but the excited exclamations of "Mommy I go potty all by me self" totally made up for all of that!! :)

3 years ago today she waltzed into my life and things have never been the same.  She keeps me on my toes always, has the best personality and makes me beam with pride at what a great girl she is!!

Happy Birthday Nugget girl, I love you so much!!  And I even love her when she changes her mind on what type of party she has at the very last minute.  Never mind that her baby book reflects a Tinkerbell party and her pictures show Toy Story... she's a girl who knows her own mind, and who am I to disagree with the Toy Story obsession?


Courtesy of one of Plemon's girl...





My sweet middle girl at just a couple of weeks old, hanging out with Sugar Mama then the way she hangs out with Pea in a Pod now :)

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Life is all about compromise...

First let me say that after watching a video that demonstrated the devastation felt in Alabama, my thoughts and prayers are with all of them.  For ways you can help please visit: 
lambertslately.com, she's a local blogger with loads of information.

So here is my compromise for the day.. as I have mentioned on more occasions than I wish to count, Nugget girl and I are at a potty training cross roads.  I bit the bullet yesterday and went with the Hubs to buy her a potty.. (for the record I was totally against buying another toilet to clean, but I digress)... she was insanely stoked about this potty.  She came home immediately and sat on it, and went potty!! The next morning she was all to excited to get up and sit on her "race car potty".. (that's right, of all the potties, she chose Disney's Cars :) I'm just thankful there were no Toy Story ones :) and she sat for about 10 minutes, took a break, came back and actually went potty.

Great!! a potty... and then accidents for the rest of the day... 

To tell you I'm frustrated is such an understatement I cannot even think of the first clever thing to compare it to.  So this morning I thought we would awake to renewed excitement over the specially purchased potty, only to meet stubborn resistance...

Oh, no... Not Today!!  So I picked up the potty and brought it straight into my living room and sat it in front of her beloved cartoons and sat her tush right on it.  Results = 5 potties and only 1 accident.  

Funny moment of the day: I was unloading the dishwasher and heard her moving around in the living room.  I poked my head around the corner and she had moved her potty to a private corner spot and proceeded to poop all by herself.  I realize that you could absolutely not care less about Nugget Girl's poop, but that was one of the best moments of my day... I too am asking myself what my life has become :)

So I compromised.. I want her to go potty like the almost 3 year old she is, and she wants to sit and watch television... so we're potty training from the living room :)  And quite frankly I am happy to do it :)

Today I am Thankful for: 

My Nugget girl.  Who will be 3 tomorrow, who insists on potty training while watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and who will one day be absolutely mortified when I show her future husband the photo of her being potty trained while watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse :)