Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Broken...

This was going to be a fluff post about the road trip we took this weekend to the beach.  I will share that next time, but first let me say that a weekend trip to the beach with 3 small children is the hardest thing I have ever done!!

Last week I shared with you the new group I have joined at church.  We are taking a deeper journey into our relationships with God and this week we started at square one.  After reading in 2nd Corinthians that once saved, man is a new creation, old things have passed away and become new, the question was asked what we hoped to gain from this journey.

I answered "To learn to forgive when someone continues to push you to your breaking point without compromising your Christianity"... what came after broke me.  This is what I feel like God is doing with me now.. 

breaking me down, every fear, preconceived notion, assumption I have about myself, others, and situations, and rebuilding me into who he wants me to be.  I listened to a woman I consider to be a great friend give her testimony of the time she had to forgive when she was broken.  When she thought she had forgiven only to find out that God had other thoughts and brought her to a raw and vulnerable place.  I physically ached for her as she retold this story and considered all the conversation as I sat and tried to listen to what God wanted me to hear.

I have never done a thing for which to be forgiven.  God forgave me anyways.  He never gave up, never washed his hands, never felt indifference, exactly the opposite he sent his only son to die on a cross to forgive me for my sins.  I have not idea where my life is going to take me.  I pray that I do not find myself in a similar situation as my friend, but should I, I hope to have even a fraction of the strength or grace she had.

Today I'm broken.. breaking, but tomorrow I'm healed, re-built, redeemed.  Tomorrow, my father makes me into the person he knew I would be before I was even born.

Today I am thankful for: 

Everything that God is and does is so overwhelming it is impossible to wrap your arms around it.  I am thankful for that knowledge that he is everywhere - the substance of things hoped for the evidence of things not seen.

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