Today has been one of those days.
Well who am I kidding, it's turning into one of those weeks.
For the past 2 days I felt as though my days have been so busy I simply cannot sit down for even a minute. But today it started off pretty bad.
Here's a little truth: I struggle with knowing the right thing to do when a situation gets confrontational. I have been so taken advantage in my life that I thought biblical it's what God called me to do.. just sit there and take it.
He does say that I should forgive, and that angry is okay but to sin while I'm angry is his line in the sand.
So this morning when I realized that something had been taken from my little Nugget girl and I sent a text to retrieve our item a whole lot of chaos broke loose and I swore that I would finally confront this situation head on, without being drawn into a screaming match... I lasted all of 2 minutes and then I lost it. I was so angry I was vibrating and I wanted to lash out, say ugly nasty, immature things, but I didn't. Instead I took a breath, I reminded myself that God does not call me to live with toxicity in my life. I can pray, love, and think of this person often and not have them a part of my life, and that is okay.
God will lead from here, and if you're wondering I do not feel bad about losing my temper. I have held if for so long now I praise God and his presence in my life because honestly it could have been worse.
Then I had Bible Study.. talk about timing.. I had to pray to rid myself and my heart of that anger before I could go in and get riled up about a totally different situation affecting our church right now and just accepted then that it had in fact turned into the Terrible, Horrible, No Good Very Bad Day.
Our smallest girl was so cranky during our lesson that I didn't contribute at all and after the 3 hours was over I was spent, annoyed at feeling like I was distracting, and tired.
I picked up my Nugget girl and was reminded that she is going through something. I have no idea what it is or where it came from but I feel like, at almost 4, we are going through the terrible 2's all over again.. I wonder if she feels as run down as I do about all of the conversations we have everyday.. No getting food without asking, no hitting, no telling me no, please for the 4,000 time do not pick things up off the floor and eat them... It's exhausting.
Then our smallest girl didn't nap, I had to have a conversation with my Nanny that I hoped did not hurt her feelings but forced me to be honest with her about the screaming match I was apart of.
Homework, spelling words, vocabulary words, reading... dinner, waking a very sleepy husband up, bath time, screaming baby.. I forgot to buy spaghetti sauce from the store...
I'm spent.. it's been a rotten day and I can only hope and pray that tomorrow's sun shines brighter. It's looking a little scary since it's Pajama Day at Sugar Mama's school and Dress like your favorite Seuss Character for Nugget girl.
Note: Making a Cat in the Hat, Hat is not as easy as it sounds... But she will be eating Green and Eggs and Ham, Sam I am :)
Today I am Thankful for:
Everything: What would I have tomorrow if I woke up with only the things I had thanked God for today?
Everything... even this terrible, rotten day gave me great insight to my God and reminded me that we are all flesh, human, imperfect sinners who have been fortunate to be saved into Sainthood. Everything rotten makes the moment of peace that much more profound.