A Control Freak.
There, I said it...
We're doing a new book in my discipleship group about how the enemy (that's satan) takes the things God gives us in truth and turns them around, leading us to believe lies about ourselves that distract from who God truly wants us to be.
I'm a controller because in my mind it gives me a sense of security (false) and I have trained myself to believe that if everyone sees me having it under control that they will know I'm a good: mom, wife, student, child of God, person, etc.
But the thing is that I can't be perfect, or any variation of perfection because that's like telling God that the job he's doing isn't good enough so I'll just take care of it from here. And that, my friends, is jacked up.
So I read my chapter, underlining almost every word and shaking my head.. my thoughts going "Yep, that's me... uh huh me too... oh yeah every-day!!!"
And what I'm assured I'll learn is that leaving my house while things are sitting around will not ruin my life. Organization is not the way to heaven, and lastly that when fellow moms see me out, at say the post office, and I am struggling to scratch the address of my nephew, whose birthday was yesterday and who is anxiously awaiting his present from his aunt Stina, and one of my children is climbing on the outer portions of the counter while the other, smaller one tries desperately to escape: You will not judge me because you will not expect perfection of me...
Well, even if you'll still judge me, the one thing I do know is that God still loves me when I let those small things alter my mood and he's going to love me to the point that those things don't matter any more, which surely must be eternity :)
Today I am Thankful for:
This Monday: I can't stand Monday's because they are so busy filled with the things that didn't get done over the weekend. But today I silently prayed "God I give this day to you".. and you know what?.. it was smooth. I got more done than I expected and my laundry is washed, dried, folded and put away and that enough to be thankful for right there :)