Wednesday, August 6, 2014

When Silence Isn't Golden..

Have you ever had a moment that you knew in your SOUL that was life changing?

The past 5 days have been that way for me: 
I showed up at an open house interview at one of 2 Level 1 Trauma centers in my state. 
I was interviewed with 3 other candidates in what's called a panel interview. 
I left feeling happy that I went, and glad that I would never again go to an interview without knowing what to expect. 

Thursday, I received a phone call to be interviewed.. again. 
I went, explained all the reasons I'm awesome and left feeling happy that I had done everything that I could do.

I've only been out of school for 2 months, but the days have been long.  Every. Single. Day, I have looked at 7 hospital job pages and applied to Emergency and Labor and Delivery jobs. 
This process is brutal because they wait FOREVER before even calling to schedule an interview; if they call at all. 
I was struggling.  I was praying and applying and it felt like God was silent.  Like he was angry and I wasn't sure what I had done to deserve his anger.  I still applied and struggled daily because I was praying for the Right Job in the Right department.. ER or L&D

Then on Thursday, after checking every day, this listing came up for an open house for new grads. 
They were interviewing THAT DAY from 10-2 and I had to throw down the laptop and get dressed to make it.  
I was one of the last candidates to be interviewed. 
I left feeling satisfied and disconnected.  I didn't WANT it so I was happy that I went and gained experience. 

Then a recruiter called me back and offered me an interview with the ORTHO/Trauma floor. 
Wait, What?!
Suddenly, I wanted it... 

On the way to my 2nd interview the husband sent me this verse: 
"The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent"  - Exodus 14:14

I felt on the verge of tears.  
Maybe HE wasn't being silent, he was asking me to be. 

So I went, I interviewed and left with the understanding that I would hear something Friday or first thing Monday.

Friday-nothing. Monday came and went and-nothing. I suddenly wanted this position more than I could understand and waiting had made me more tightly strung than I have ever been.  But, I continued with the right job in the right department prayer... 

And today I received a formal offer for a full time- day shift position, right where God intended me to be. 

He made the way and had it wrapped up in less than a week.  I spent my whole Summer worrying if I would be able to spend it with my girls and he gave me that, and just when I thought I couldn't stand his silence a moment longer, he spoke and it was ME who needed to be silent all along. 

6 years, lots of sweat and tears later, and this girl got her degree, her license, and a career.  

I won't say that I will never doubt again, but I will surely remember this moment and be reminded that when my life is in chaos and I feel like he can't or won't hear me, he didn't need my interference in the first place!! 

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Happy One Year aversary!!

I just opened the browser and noticed that it has been exactly one year since I've updated this blog :)

The husband has been asking me if I was going to start it back up since right now I'm much less busy than I was even a month ago.  My days are spent studying to pass the boards and watching my munchkins grow.  And grow they have!! 

Kj is 3 now, Addis 6, and Olive just turned 9. 

So a few things: 

-I graduated.  Finally, after what must be some type of record I finally earned my BSN and in just a few weeks (after I take and hopefully pass the boards) I'll be licensed and everything!! 

-Olivia got braces.  She was very self conscious and we felt it would be the best thing.  It has made a world of difference.  

-We made it through K2, Kindergarten, and 3rd grade. We're moving on up and we're very happy about that. 

-Addis started horse back riding and she's actually liking it.  It's helping her to focus and she needs help in that department. 

-Kj is a ball of energy that will hopefully be participating in a sport very soon.  She run from the time her feet hit the floor until she passes out at night.  She is so smart and funny, but she is equally exhausting!! 

I'm learning what it means to be patient and trust in God's timing.  I'm anxious to get my appointment to test for the boards so I can get a job and feel like the past 6 years have been worth it.  I am at the mercy of so many other people sometimes I want to pull my hair out from frustration.  But I'm trying to constantly remind myself and pray that I can just be patient and trust that my job is out there, and God is going to lead me to the hospital and department he decided for me long ago. 

Until next time, Christina :)