Wednesday, August 6, 2014

When Silence Isn't Golden..

Have you ever had a moment that you knew in your SOUL that was life changing?

The past 5 days have been that way for me: 
I showed up at an open house interview at one of 2 Level 1 Trauma centers in my state. 
I was interviewed with 3 other candidates in what's called a panel interview. 
I left feeling happy that I went, and glad that I would never again go to an interview without knowing what to expect. 

Thursday, I received a phone call to be interviewed.. again. 
I went, explained all the reasons I'm awesome and left feeling happy that I had done everything that I could do.

I've only been out of school for 2 months, but the days have been long.  Every. Single. Day, I have looked at 7 hospital job pages and applied to Emergency and Labor and Delivery jobs. 
This process is brutal because they wait FOREVER before even calling to schedule an interview; if they call at all. 
I was struggling.  I was praying and applying and it felt like God was silent.  Like he was angry and I wasn't sure what I had done to deserve his anger.  I still applied and struggled daily because I was praying for the Right Job in the Right department.. ER or L&D

Then on Thursday, after checking every day, this listing came up for an open house for new grads. 
They were interviewing THAT DAY from 10-2 and I had to throw down the laptop and get dressed to make it.  
I was one of the last candidates to be interviewed. 
I left feeling satisfied and disconnected.  I didn't WANT it so I was happy that I went and gained experience. 

Then a recruiter called me back and offered me an interview with the ORTHO/Trauma floor. 
Wait, What?!
Suddenly, I wanted it... 

On the way to my 2nd interview the husband sent me this verse: 
"The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent"  - Exodus 14:14

I felt on the verge of tears.  
Maybe HE wasn't being silent, he was asking me to be. 

So I went, I interviewed and left with the understanding that I would hear something Friday or first thing Monday.

Friday-nothing. Monday came and went and-nothing. I suddenly wanted this position more than I could understand and waiting had made me more tightly strung than I have ever been.  But, I continued with the right job in the right department prayer... 

And today I received a formal offer for a full time- day shift position, right where God intended me to be. 

He made the way and had it wrapped up in less than a week.  I spent my whole Summer worrying if I would be able to spend it with my girls and he gave me that, and just when I thought I couldn't stand his silence a moment longer, he spoke and it was ME who needed to be silent all along. 

6 years, lots of sweat and tears later, and this girl got her degree, her license, and a career.  

I won't say that I will never doubt again, but I will surely remember this moment and be reminded that when my life is in chaos and I feel like he can't or won't hear me, he didn't need my interference in the first place!!